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You know what the number one rule of Wonderland is? Many people think it’s “Never talk to the cat”. Which is an excellent suggestion, but it’s not a rule. And one you should really pay attention to because he’s a lying little… but I digress. The number one rule in Wonderland is… “It’s none of […]

Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: “there” }}, Wonderland sucks at keeping secrets. If you ever start a sentence in the WonderHood with, “Now keep this under your hat….”, you might as well walk right into Western Union and send a telegram out to your entire zip code. Texting is not really a thing, […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Ah, summer. That magical time when we break out our favorite pair of Bermuda shorts, proudly show off our achingly white legs and stand in 3-hour long lines at the airports while munching on a $17 snack bar scone. Mmm, scones. Summer? Wonderlandians have no idea what’s up with this. If […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.” “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.” “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which […]

Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: “there” }}, In the version you’ve been told, the Mouse gets a bad rap. “That” story makes the Mouse out to be some kind of dope who comes to a party only to sleep all over everything (and every body). Yeah, sure the Mouse sleeps, but do you […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Mushrooms. You wouldn’t think you could build an empire with those tiny bits of fungus, but you’d be wrong. Apparently, mushrooms can make you rich. And they did make The Hookah Dude rich. Rich beyond your wildest dreams. My dreams are actually much wilder, but I think it’s safe to say that The […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], The Queen sucks at gardening. It’s true and she’s very sensitive about it. How do you think the whole “Off with their heads!” thing got started? Well, it started with daisies. Who doesn’t like daisies? The Queen liked daisies and, this isn’t something you hear much within earshot of Her Highness, she originally […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], People sometimes say to me, “You know, you’re a little snarky.” To which I say, “Shut up!”, or “Who asked you?, or “Says who?” But after I say that, I say, “Thanks.” Why? Don’t be a dope. You think this comes easy? Okay actually, it does come pretty easy. I mean, […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Wonderlandians love Cinco de Mayo. They do! They have no idea what it means, but they like the colors, and the music and the piñatas and it gives them a chance to put salt on the rim of their tea cups and well… you get it. Wonderlandians also have no idea when Cinco de […]

Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: “there” }}, You’re anxious. I get it. You’re about to go off to a foreign land, and what if you get there and want a bite of “Eat Me Cake” or a sip of “Drink Me Juice” or, heaven forbid, a steaming hot cup of tea…. and you […]

Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: “there” }}, We like the rock and roll in the Wonder-hood. Did you think you were gonna read that when you got up this morning? Well it’s true. We like music. Some music. Well, we usually listen to whatever the Mouse is playing. The mouse has a […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], I gotta bone to pick with you. The day fast approaches. That special day when we celebrate the beauty, magic and wisdom of the majestic rabbit. There are parades. Your Mom buys you new clothes. Baskets overflow with jelly beans. Games are played. Even The President of the United States opens The White House […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], “Great Caesar’s Ghost!” This is what editor Perry White used to scream from his office at The Daily Planet when he was looking for Clark Kent (who was probably off on some other planet doing Superman stuff). You may ask yourself, “What do Superman Comics and AliƧin in the Wonder-hood have in […]

Hi [INSERT NAME HERE], People (creatures, plants, animals, anthropomorphic tea cups, etc) in the Wonder-hood don’t get April Fool’s Day. To them, it’s just another day in the Hood. They really don’t get the days of the week either, but never mind. The origin of April Fool’s Day? It’s a mystery, so Wonderlandians do like […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Things aren’t what they seem. I’m writing this February 14th, 2022 at 9:21pm♥️. We’re not going to get bogged down in why I’m writing to you on Valentine’s Day, instead of being on a hot date with my beautiful wife, but like I said… things aren’t what they seem. You know […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Time to reflect. I’m not going to do that, but I thought that there’s probably somebody out there that has done it, and that maybe they could give us all a book report or something about it. You have our email. But… dear reader (see how I’m getting all endearing there?), I haven’t given […]

Barbie in the sky with diamonds Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], I know. You’ve had “Addicted to Love” stuck in your head all week, right? “The lights are on…” (please make it stop). So you know with a headline like National Barbie Day, that I sat at the computer for a good 45 minutes hoping […]

Face it already! Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], And welcome to another chapter of my every-now-and-then series of deeply personal and revealing essays I call “What the hell were you thinking?” Sit down. It’s just a paragraph of behind-the-scenes dirt on why I wrote / created / wasted valuable time on ‘something’. Today’s installment, “What […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Look, you saw The Matrix, right (the new one’s okay, not great). Ready Player One (the book was better)? Free Guy? Tron? What do all these geeky sci fi movies have in common other than taking hard earned money out of my pocket? Virtual Reality. ? Huh? VR man, it’s all the rage. Mark Zuckerberg even […]

Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], It’s the Wednesday between Valentine’s Day and Presidents Day. The day you’re adding a note to your Google calendar that a new toilet brush and plunger ensemble are not gonna cut it as Valentine’s Day gifts (no matter how much you may need them). It’s the day you compulsively click the tab in your […]