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It’s Sunday and I’m looking out at a little Marina in Virginia. Deltaville to be exact. It’s 95 degrees out but feels like 103, and it’s only 9am. It’s hot. Officially, the technical term is Freaking Hot (there’s another technical term, but this is a family friendly newsletter). And… if you live just about anywhere, […]

I have no idea what that means. I’ve been lying in bed for the past two hours trying to go to sleep while “Rhapsody in Blue” bangs away in my head because Victoria was on hold for an hour waiting to talk to United about our lost luggage. Our luggage is now apparently in Newark, […]

Episode 2. Look, I promise not to do that annoying thing Star Wars did when they renumbered all the episodes, and Episode 1, suddenly became Episode 4 (or whatever), and then they changed the names, so you never really know what the hell you’re watching until you see the Death Star blow up, which I […]

We just got back from LA. A company building a bunch of new venues heard about us, and asked us to come out and make a big pitch. We prepared, we rehearsed, we had an awesome deck (that we threw up on the big screen from the iPad – very slick) and a mind-blowing video […]

Don’t look at me that way. My Dad was a golfer. He was pretty good too – Junior PGA or something. But, back in the day, being a pro golfer was kinda like touring with your band and living out of the van. I think it’s probably still like that until Titleist shows up and […]

That’s an actual x-ray of my teeth. If you know anything about dentistry, please keep it to yourself and do not tell the other’s how crappy my teeth are. I had to have a root canal done recently. Now, if you’re of a certain age, you may be surprised to know that one doesn’t just […]

I’m writing this at 36,004 feet. I looked it up for you on my little screen. So, this may sound loftier then my usual missives. Most likely it will sound exactly like when I write at sea level, but you can hope for the best. Getting high. So what am I gonna do with that? […]

Write what you know. That’s what all those people making a living giving other people advice say. “Write what you know.” That’s terrible advice and if your new online course with the latest advice guy tells you to do that, ask for your $29.95 a month back. Don’t like to read? Victoria reads this email […]

“Well, basically there are two sorts of opera,” said Nanny, who also had the true witch’s ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. “There’s your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like “Oh oh oh, I am dyin’, oh I am dyin’, oh oh oh, that’s […]

Are you a weirdo? How about a music nerd? Maybe a movie geek. How about a comic book fan? And do you know way too much about the entire family of everyone on Star Trek or The Witcher? Thought so. That’s cool. That’s why we started this thing. I got tired of eating lunch by […]

I swear. Just that one time. That’s it. That’s all I did. Now I get fed 472 of these things every day! Don’t like to read? Victoria reads this email to you! Reels on Instagram. We do “the Reels”. The kids love ’em. So, now I gotta make the reels. That means I gotta study […]

Okay, just kidding. I know why you hate mimes. I just wanted my email to look interesting in your inbox. I see the usual 20% off stuff in there, and that invite to your class reunion I can’t even believe you’re thinking about going to, but mimes are French and they’re creepy, they dress like […]

I get it. Other than the unbridled joy you feel going to your inbox every Wednesday, and the lavish gifts that again, are found in your inbox on many Wednesdays, and the knowledge that if you’ve had an exhausting day on the world wide web, or if someone doesn’t appreciate your cat video on Insta […]

We made fun of Stuart the first day he went to work at the bank. Stuart’s my brother. He’s not really my brother, but he’s my brother because he and his brother Scott and I were inseparable growing up, and, it’s a long story… but just go with me when I say Stuart’s my brother. […]

I’m lucky people don’t know anything about music. I don’t know anything about music, but I know what I like. And I like the artsy, cinematic stuff I write. What? It’s my newsletter. Don’t like to read? Victoria reads this email to you! Anyway, I’m really lucky that nobody knows anything about music, and the […]

Is peanut butter a liquid? Before you answer that, go get your jar outta the cupboard and have a look. My Canadian sister-in-law loves Trader Joe’s Crunchy Peanut Butter. Who doesn’t? And in addition to it being way too freaking cold, you apparently can’t get it in Canada. So, being the wonderful brother-in-law that I […]

Tchaikovsky, Danny Elfman, Frank Zappa and Wile E. Coyote walk into a bar. You have to admit that’s a pretty great opening line. You’re thinking, “Great, Kevin’s gonna tell us a joke, and it’s probably got something to do with an Acme anvil falling on somebody’s head and maybe Zappa says something like “What’s the […]

Did your Mom ever tell you to wear clean underwear in case you got into an accident? Mine did. Which for those of you who know me, this probably explains a lot. So, when you stop judging, I can tell you that as far as I can figure out, the reason for this fixation on […]

I go walking everyday. Well, almost everyday. I go everyday except those days when it’s incredibly freaking butt-numbing cold outside. But, thanks to global warming, we haven’t had many of those this year, so I go everyday. That didn’t really come out right, and the checkout guy at Trader Joe’s and I agreed that we […]

Look, when I screw up, I admit it. At least most of the time, but I’m still not taking the blame for that thing we agreed we would never talk about. It was like that when I got there. Don’t like to read? Victoria reads this email to you. The big bold headline on the […]